peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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