she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
