he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
