You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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