Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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