you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
