these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
