the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
