your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
