Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize