is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
