he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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