If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
