I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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