remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
