fuck your aforementioned shoe
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
