OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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