ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
