i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
