Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
