upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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