i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
