You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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