If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love having hate sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
