i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize