I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
