you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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