that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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