I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
