when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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