you didnt know i had herpes?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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