Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
