She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
