Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
