your thong is hanging out like whoa
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All the doctor said was why
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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