So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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