Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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