I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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