i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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