i jhust puked up my retainher.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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