if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
