you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
