I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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