I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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