I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pooping to opera.
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