Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
