Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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