Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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