first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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