What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
