please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
