So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
now i know why i became what i already was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
