Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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