My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
