So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
