I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
