I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
