I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
