I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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