I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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