your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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