Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
