omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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