Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
