I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
