I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
