I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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