My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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