Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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